Computer Warp
by Orionna Aurora
Summary: I get thrown into Hogwarts....Chaos and disorder ensues. Great fun for me anyway!
1. Computer Warp Chapter 1

**Computer Warp**

**By Orionna Aurora**

**Disclaimer: Ok first, I don't own any of JKR's characters though I desperately wish I did. I could be making huge bucks if I did, but I don't; so, sucks to be me. Incidentally, I'm making absolutely nothing off of this.(frowns thinking about it) But anyway, I don't own any other characters from any other series I happen to mention in this chapter or any future chapters. And no I don't own any other copyrighted thing in this story; so,-(Llyr: What are you blabbering on about now?) That is none of your business; so, why are you asking? (Llyr: Are you writing a story?) Just typing actually. (Llyr: Ok then, -_- does it have anything to do with a story?) Why do you care? :/ (Llyr: Because-) (Nadia: Llyr, don't pick a fight.) (Llyr: I wasn't going to thank you.) Anyway, I think that's it; so, enjoy the story! ^-^**

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**Narrator:****(in that Twilight Zone voice) A fanfiction author sitting at her computer. While typing her latest fic, she presses the wrong combination of keys and is warped to . . .**

**Author: Hogwarts?!?!**

**(As the students hustle around her trying to get to class, she gets up and dusts off her clothes.)**

**Author: Oh yes. (grins evilly) This should be fun. Now, to go and visit my favorite victim – I mean teacher.**

**(She turns right and heads for the dungeons)**

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**Snape:****(looks up and scowls) What are YOU doing here?**

**Author: I got warped again. ****J******

**Malfoy:****(looking very cocky) What are you? Some kind of muggle freak?**

**Author: No, actually, I'm the author.**

**Malfoy: So?******

**Author: So, If you're not careful, I might decide to play a game of follow the bouncing ferret, my dear little ferret boy.**

**Malfoy:****(looking imploringly at Snape but talking to Author) You can't intimidate me.**

**Author:****(getting up and advancing slowly towards Malfoy) Really? (grins tauntingly) I'm a Slytherin and Gryffindor. That makes a _very_ dangerous combination.**

**Goyle:****(looking up at her stupidly) Uh…but you don't have a wand.**

**Author:****(backing off Malfoy) Not that I really need one or anything. After all, I am the author. But if it makes you feel secure…(she snaps her fingers and a wand appears in her hand)**

**Snape:****(drawing his wand and eyeing her wearily) Would you please leave my students alone?**

**Author:****(innocently) You mean your precious little snakes?**

**Snape:****(trying to keep his temper in check) Yes my _students._**

**Author:****(gets up and smiles) Ok! I've got a few more people to visit anyway. But I'll be back! ^_^**

**Snape:****(shoulders sagging) That was what I was afraid of.**

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**Author:****(while walking aimlessly through the halls) Dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-dum dum dum. I-don't-know what-I'm singing-this stupid song for. It's really-quite-retarded.**

**Narrator:(still in the Twilight Zone voice) While walking down the hall not paying attention, our authoress runs into none other than Professor Dumbledore.**

**Author:****(on the floor) Ouch! Oh, hi Professor!**

**Dumbledore:****(looking, quite suddenly, dismayed) Oh, hello Orionna. Back again?**

**Orionna: Yeah, I got sucked into my computer again.**

**Dumbledore:****(in an obvious hurry to get away) Yes, yes, fine my dear. Got to be going. Lots of work to do, you know.**

**Orionna: Ok, see you later.**

**Dumbledore: And Orionna, try to stay out of trouble.**

**Orionna:****(innocently) Who? Me?**

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**Narrator: As the authoress continues down the hall, she decides to visit Harry, Ron, and Hermoine.**

**Orionna: I think Harry, Ron, and Hermoine are next on my list…Ok! _That_ was corny!**

**Narrator: What?******

**Orionna: The repeating what you just said, thing.******

**Narrator:****(shrugs)**

**Orionna: Anyways, I think they're in Professor McGonagall's class currently.**

**Narrator: How did you know that?**

**Orionna: I'm the author. They'll be wherever I want them to be.**

**Narrator: Oh.******

**(She turns and heads in the direction of the Transfiguration corridor)**

**To be continued? **

**I'll**** probably continue this one because I've got most of it written already. My friends seem to like it pretty well, and besides, I haven't gotten Llyr and Nadia in on it – yet. As always, constructive criticism is welcome, but flames will be completely ignored. Hope you liked it.******


	2. Computer Warp Chapter 2

**Computer Warp**

**By Orionna Aurora**

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: Here I am back for the second round. Ok, same disclaimer as before. I don't own any of JKR's characters. The usual blah. (Nadia: You sound bored.) (Llyr: No, she sounds blond.) What was that? (Llyr: What?) The blond crack. (Llyr: Oh, no reason. Just having…[looking puzzled for a moment] I don't know.) A _blond_ moment? ;) (Llyr: Yeah!  ^-^ That's it.) -_- (Nadia: -_- Oh, boy!) Anyway, I don't own anything to do with the Twilight Zone or any other allusion to any other copyrighted thing I may mention. And blah, blah, blah. Enjoy! ^-^**

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**Ok, time for a recap. In chapter 1, I was warped to Hogwart, annoyed Snape, ran into Professor Dumbledore (literally), and was heading to see Harry, Ron, and Hermoine in Professor McGonagall's class. Ok, let's begin.**

**Oh, I almost forgot. I wrote this before the 5th book came out.(-_- She walks out grumbling about the book's ending.)**

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**Orionna:(upon entering the classroom) He everybody!**

**McGonagall:(importantly) Excuse me miss, but who are you and, why are you interrupting my class?**

**Orionna: You weren't here when I dropped in last, were you?**

**McGonagall:(looking annoyed) You didn't answer my question.**

**Orionna: Oh yes…I'm Orionna Aurora. I'm the author who keeps dropping in causing chaos and disorder. It's nice to finally meet you.**

**McGonagall: Likewise, I'm sure, but you will _not_ be causing any type of disturbance in my classroom.**

**Orionna: I'll try, but I may not be able to help myself. So, I make no promises.**

**McGonagall: Yes, well, we'll see about that.**

**Orionna:(looking at her darkly) We shall.**

**Harry:(looking amused and motioning to the seat next to him) Have a seat.**

**Orionna: Thank you.**

**(Professor McGonagall turns back to the front of the room and resumes teaching)**

**Harry:(in a whisper) Where have you been?**

**Orionna:(also whispering) In the real world. It really bites having to be there.**

**Hermoine:(leaning across Ron) How did you get back?**

**Orionna: Beats me. I was typing a fic and I must have pressed the wrong keys again.**

**Ron:(enthusiastically) But you're back! Thank Merlin, it was getting boring around here.**

**McGonagall:(snaps) Miss, you haven't even been in my classroom for two minutes, and you're already causing a disturbance.**

**Orionna:(looking amused) I told you. I make no promises.**

**(Professor McGonagall, looking _very irritated, turns back to the front of the room and starts teaching again, studiously ignoring Orionna.)_**

**Harry:(still in a whisper) Been to torture Snape yet?**

**Orionna: Of course, It was the first place I went.**

**Harry: Did you have fun?**

**Orionna:****(a maniacal grin slowly spreads across her face) What do you think?**

**Harry:****(grinning evilly at the thought) Had that much fun, did you?**

**Orionna: Sure, I threatened to turn Malfoy into a ferret.**

**Ron:****(smiling) I wish I would have been there to see that.**

**Orionna: I think he's scared of me.**

**Harry: Surprised?******

**Orionna: No.(and she smiles)**

**McGonagall: _MISS! Please leave. You are disturbing my class._**

**Orionna: You know, I think it's time for a change of teacher. (She snaps her fingers and Professor Lupin appears looking startled.)**

**Lupin: Where am I?**

**Orionna: At Hogwarts.******

**Lupin: Who are you?**

**Orionna: You don't want to know.**

**Lupin:****(raises and eyebrow) What am I doing here, may I ask?**

**Orionna: McGonagall was getting on my nerves. So I decided to change teacher.**

**Lupin: One problem.**** I'm not a teacher anymore.**

**Orionna: I'm the author. If I say you can be a teacher, you can be a teacher.**

**Ron: You really like this power trip thing, don't you?**

**Orionna:****(grinning) Yep!**

**Lupin: Well, what am I supposed to be teaching?**

**Orionna: I don't care. You don't have to teacher anything if you don't want to…You still look confused.**

**Lupin: Well, it's rather odd. I was sitting at my breakfast table talking to Sirius, and the next moment, I'm here.**

**Orionna:****(slaps her forehead with her hand)Oh yeah, Sirius, I completely forgot about him. (She snaps her fingers again, and Sirius appears looking more confused than Lupin)**

**Orionna: Hello, Sirius!******

**Sirius:****(looking utterly lost) Who are you, and why am I here?**

**Lupin: Don't ask. You don't want to know.**

**(The bell rings)**

**Orionna: I guess we'd better go. You two can go down to the kitchen and get breakfast if you like. We'll see you later.**

**Sirius:****(looking at Lupin) What's this all about?**

**Lupin: Don't look at me. I'm as lost as you are.**

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**Orionna: What have you got next?**

**Hermoine:****(consulting a piece parchment) I have Arithmancy.**

**Harry: Ron and I have Divination.**

**Ron:****(looking thoroughly dismayed) Two hours with Professor Trelawney, great.**

**Orionna: I detect a large amount of sarcasm in that last statement.**

**Ron:****(sarcastically) Do you think so?**

**Orionna: Don't get smart with me, or I'll turn you into a rat.**

**Ron: That was wrong.**

**Orionna: Yeah well, I think I'll go with you two. I think Divination needs a bit more color to it.**

**Hermoine:****(smiling) I almost wish that I was still in her class now…Almost.**

**Orionna: Shall we?******

**Harry and Ron:(smiling) Ladies first.**

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**Ok, end of chapter 2. Next time we meet… chapter 3. As usual Reviews are welcome. Constructive criticism only. If I'm doing something wrong, let me know, but don't flame me, please. Until next time, goodbye, and may you have your cake and eat it, too because it's cake; what else are you going to do with it. ^-^ (Llyr: start a food fight?) -_-**


	3. Computer Warp Chapter 3

**Computer Warp**

**By Orionna Aurora**

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: It's the same as the two in chapters one and two. I don't own any copyrighted materials mentioned in this fic. You know I never realized what a hassle these things are until I had to write one. (Llyr: Then why are you doing it.) So, J. K. Rowlings won't sue my broke ass for what little I have. (Llyr: Oh…^-^ ok.) What's your complex lately? It's not like you to even agree with me much less be _happy_ about it. If I didn't know any better I'd say you've had coffee. (Llyr: ^-^ I have.) What? (Nadia: I'm afraid it's my fault I gave it to her to cheer her up. She was feeling a little down.) YOU DID WHAT?!?!?! (Nadia:[speaking cautiously and looking around for a place to hide when I threw something at her.] I'm sorry.) Nadia, do you remember what happened the last time you gave Llyr coffee? (Nadia: No. why?) Oh boy, Nadia, you're supposed to be the responsible one around here. I'm surrounded by incompetents. Merlin, help me. Nadia, you should know by now that when you give her coffee she has these very extreme mood swings. She could go off at any moment. (Nadia: Oh.) Ok, I'd better wrap up this disclaimer before I have a psychotic muse on my hands so. Enjoy.**

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**Recap time. In chapter 2, I "disrupt" Professor McGonagall's class and replace her with Lupin when she finally gets on my nerves, and Harry, Ron, and I are headed to the ****North****Tower**** for Divination. 0:) This should be fun (for me anyway).**

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**(When Harry, Ron, and Orionna get to the ****North****Tower****, they find the class ascending the ladder to the classroom.)**

**Ron: After you.******

**Orionna: No thanks, I'll take the elevator.**

**Ron:****(looking puzzled) What elevator?**

**(Orionna snaps her fingers, and an elevator door opens on their right.**

**Ron: Oh!**** That elevator.**

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**Orionna:****(looking around Professor Trelawney's classroom) Interesting.**

**Trelawney:****(in her weird, misty voice) Welcome, my dears, to another year.**

**Orionna:****(whirling around to face Harry and Ron) This is the first day of the year?**

**Harry: Yeah, didn't you know?**

**Orionna: Well, real time and your time are two completely different things. I mean, I could leave right now and come back, and it could be two years in the future or maybe three years ago.**

**Ron:****(looking confused and a little bewildered) Both? Is that possible?**

**Orionna: No, you stupid git.**** On or the other. (smacks her forehead with her hand again) Oi!**

**Ron:****(sounding a little hurt) I didn't know.**

**Orionna: Sorry, I know you didn't. I keep forgetting how little you know about this warping thing. Wait a minute…how do I know about that?**

**Harry:****(shrugs)**

**Trelawney:****(_still_ in her weird, misty voice) And who, may I ask, is this fine young…person?**

**Orionna:****(bubbly) Hi! ^-^ I'm the author. I just got warped here through my computer.**

**Trelawney: Through your…what?******

**Orionna:****(smacking her forehead) Oh yeah, I forgot. You don't know what that is, do you? It's a piece of Muggle equipment.**

**Trelawney: Oh well, nice to have you, dear. Sit down, my children; sit down.**

**Orionna:****(leans over to Harry and Ron and grins evilly) _This should be great fun._**

**Ron:****(leaning over to her) What are you going to do?**

**Orionna: (still smiling maniacally) You'll see.**

**Trelawney: Welcome back, my dears. As I recall, we were learning the art of crystal ball gazing the last time we were together, and my inner eye tells me that we will be continuing this.**

**Orionna:****(raising her hand) Do you have sunglasses for your inner eye because if you don't, the sun's radiation could cause permanent damage.**

**(The class laughs loudly at this. Well, everyone except Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil who give the author evil looks and Professor Trelawney who looks very…er…disgruntled at the moment.)**

**Trelawney:****(looking annoyed) No, my dear, why do you ask that?**

**Orionna: Just trying to look out for you, Professor Tre.******

**Trelawney: Trelawney, please.******

**Orionna:****(obviously enjoying herself) Why?**

**Trelawney:****(looking angry) Because I don't like being called Professor Tree.**

**Orionna:****(shaking her head) No, one E.**

**Trelawney: Excuse me?******

**Orionna: Not Professor Tree and in the plant.**** I just shortened your name. That's all.**

**Trelawney:****(looking _very_ angry) Well, if you please, address me by my full name.**

**Orionna:****(grinning) What? Professor Sibyll Trelawney?**

**Trelawney: No, my full last name?******

**Orionna: Oh!**** So, Trelawney, then?**

**Trelawney:****(in a rage) No! Professor Trelawney!**

**Orionna:****(looking at her darkly) There is no need to yell.**

**Trelawney:****(now shouting) Why Not?!?!**

**Orionna: Ok.**** I was just playing around, but you've pissed me off now. (She snaps her fingers and turns Trelawney into an emu)**

**(Parvati and Lavender jump up and go for their wands)**

**Orionna: Hold it! Do something like that, and I'll turn you two bird brains into crystal balls.**

**Harry:****(looking very amused) Wouldn't want to get on your bad side.**

**Ron: No kidding.******

**Orionna: Well, she didn't have to yell at me . I was just joking.**

**Harry: The professor didn't seem to take it that way.**

**Orionna:****(still fuming) Well, she needs to get a sense of humor.**

**Harry: She doesn't have one.**

**Orionna: Don't piss me off!**

**Harry:****(smiling) Wouldn't dream of it.**

**Ron:****(laughing) Still, I wouldn't want to piss you off. Even with her inner eye, I bet she didn't see that coming.**

**Orionna:****(grinning) Well, sounds like she needs to have her inner eye examined. It may need glasses.**

**Narrator: That joke was terrible.**

**Orionna: Shut up, you, or you won't get paid.**

**Narrator: You're not even paying me now.**

**Orionna: Oh!**** Sorry about that old chap. I'll see what I can come up with when this is all over.**

**Ron:****(looking around apprehensively) What was that?**

**Orionna: The Narrator.******

**Ron: Oh…wait, who?**

**Orionna: Never mind. (stands up) Since your teacher is currently a bird brain, class is dismissed.**

**(The class cheers and starts for the ladder. They stop abruptly.)**

**Seamus: How are we supposed to get down from here?**

**Orionna: Oh yeah!**** Sorry. (She snaps her fingers, and the ladder descends to the floor below.)**

**Ron: That's better than a wand.**

**Orionna: What?******

**Ron: That thing you do with your finger.**

**Orionna: Yeah, I could use a wand. In fact, I've got one right here, (she pulls the wand out of the pocket of her robes) but I find that my way's better.**

**Harry: You really need to come more often.**

**Orionna: Yeah I do, but first, I've got to find out _how_ I got here.**

**Harry: True.******

**Orionna: So, do you think I should turn "feathers" over there (she point to Trelawney) back to normal?**

**Harry:****(pretends to consider it) Nah. Leave her like that.**

**Orionna: Ok…So, where to next?**

**Ron: My favorite time of day…Lunch.******

**Orionna: Figures.******

**Ron: A just what is _that supposed to mean?_**

**Orionna:****(innocently) Nothing.**

**(They proceed to the Great Hall for lunch.)**

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**To be continued. I think anyway. This is all I have written at the moment. I haven't tortured, pissed off, or otherwise annoyed all the people I've on my list, yet. I also haven't gotten my muses in on it, yet either. That could prove terrifying. (Llyr: Just _what _exactly are you saying? *****L****) Oh dear, I see a mood swing coming on. Nadia, I'm going to kill you for this. (Nadia:[pleadingly] I'm sorry, Orionna; I didn't know.) I'm so sure. *****L**** (Llyr:[in a very deadly voice] You didn't answer my question.) Nothing…uhh…bye. [And I run quickly out of the room.] (Llyr: I love doing that. ^-^)**


End file.
